The Stanley Parable Announcer Pack

Welcome
50% chance, only for All Pick, Least Played, Limited Heroes and Mid Only
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_01.mp3 Welcome to Dota!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_02.mp3 Oh good, you're back! It's been too long since I bathed in human misery. followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_03.mp3 Good to see you weren't discouraged by your performance last time, I know I was. followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_04.mp3 Hello, you are now playing DIGITAL SPORTS! followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_05.mp3 Welcome! Once again! To DIGITAL SPORTS! followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_06.mp3 Stanley began a game of Dota. It would be a long time before Stanley stopped playing Dota. followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_08.mp3 Welcome to Dota 2, hope you're ready to get meta. followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_09.mp3 Aha, I knew you would be back. It was never really a choice. followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_12.mp3 Oh I'm so glad you're back, there's been a failure-shaped hole in my heart ever since you left. followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_13.mp3 Oh you're NOT dead? I didn't know there were other reasons people stopped playing Dota. followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_14.mp3 Oh you're back! Everyone's been saying they missed you! B-…wait, they were here just a moment ago…where did everyone go? followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_15.mp3 Wait wait wait! Don't start without me! Okay, yes yes, I'm here! We can start now! followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_16.mp3 Welcome to Dota 2, the prequel to Dota 3: Return to Dota. followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_17.mp3 Welcome! To the sequel to a video game! followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_20.mp3 WELCOME TO DOTAAAA! followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_21.mp3 Behold, as always, the majesty of DIGITAL SPORTS! followup

1% chance, only for the same modes as above
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_07.mp3 Welcome, to the dense and impenetrable web of systemic bullshit we collectively refer to as Dota. followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_19.mp3 Welcome to Counterstrike! BOOM HEADSHOT! followup

3% chance, only for the same modes as above, during certain daytimes
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_10.mp3 Good morning! followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_welcome_11.mp3 Good evening! followup

Game mode
Ability Draft
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_ability_draft.mp3 Today we'll be playing ability draft.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_ability_draft_01.mp3 Ability draft.

All Pick
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_all_pick.mp3 Today we'll be playing all pick.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_all_pick_01.mp3 All pick.

All Random
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_all_random.mp3 Today we'll be playing all random.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_all_random_01.mp3 All random.

Captain's Draft
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_captains_draft.mp3 Today we'll be playing captains draft.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_capt_draft_01.mp3 Captain's draft.

Captain's Mode
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_capt_mode.mp3 Today we'll be playing captains mode.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_capt_mode_01.mp3 Captains mode.

Deathmatch
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_death_match.mp3 Today we'll be playing deathmatch.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_death_match_01.mp3 Deathmatch.

Easy Mode
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_easy_mode.mp3 Today we'll be playing easy mode.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_easy_mode_01.mp3 Easy mode.

Least Played
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_least_played_01.mp3 Least played.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_least_played_01.mp3 Least played.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_generic_01.mp3 Choose wisely.

Limited Heroes
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_limited_heroes_01.mp3 Limited heroes.

Mid Only
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_mid_only.mp3 Today we'll be playing mid only.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_all_mid_01.mp3 Mid only.

Random Draft
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_random_draft.mp3 Today we'll be playing random draft.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_random_draft_01.mp3 Random draft.

Reverse Captain's Mode
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_capt_mode_reverse.mp3 Today we'll be playing reverse captains.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_reverse_cm_01.mp3 Reverse captain's mode.

Single Draft
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_single_draft.mp3 Today we'll be playing single draft.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_single_draft_01.mp3 Single draft.

Other Modes

One vs One and other possible future game modes
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_generic_01.mp3 Choose wisely.

Drafting
Picking
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_yr_01.mp3 Your turn to pick.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_yr_02.mp3 Your pick.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_yr_03.mp3 Select a hero, please.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm.mp3 Enemy's turn to pick.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_01.mp3 Their turn to choose, patience please.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_02.mp3 Their pick.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_rad.mp3 Radiant team pick.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_rad_01.mp3 Radiant team are now picking.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_dire.mp3 Dire team pick.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_dire_01.mp3 Dire team are now picking.

10% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_rad_02.mp3 Radiant's turn to royally screw it up.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_dire_02.mp3 Dire's turn to make all the wrong choices.

5% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_yr_04.mp3 Go ahead and pick, I'll just be here not judging you.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_yr_05.mp3 Technically announcers aren't SUPPOSED to judge you for your selection of hero, but honestly I've never been much for rules.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_yr_06.mp3 Now remember, there are almost no wrong choices here.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_yr_07.mp3 The only wrong choice is all the ones that aren't the one I'm thinking of.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_03.mp3 One moment, I'm going to help them strategize a bit. followup

1% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_04.mp3 While they're picking, why don't I read you a passage from a story I've been working on: followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_05.mp3 While they're picking, here's a random number for you to think about: followup

Banning
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_ban_yr_01.mp3 Your turn to ban.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_ban_yr_02.mp3 Your ban, make it count.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_ban_enm.mp3 Enemy's turn to ban.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_ban_enm_01.mp3 Their ban.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_ban_rad.mp3 Radiant's ban.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_ban_dire.mp3 Dire's ban.

5% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_ban_yr_03.mp3 Ban them right where it hurts.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_ban_yr_04.mp3 Ban the ever-loving snot out of them.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_ban_enm_02.mp3 Now let's wait patiently while they try to screw you over.

Time left to pick
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_pick_10.mp3 Ten seconds remaining.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_pick_10_01.mp3 Only ten seconds.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_pick_10_02.mp3 Ten seconds to pick.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_pick_5_1.mp3 Five seconds, hurry hurry!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_pick_5_2.mp3 Five seconds remain!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_time_reserve_01.mp3 Reserve time.

5% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_time_reserve_02.mp3 You need MORE time? Yeesh…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_time_reserve_03.mp3 You STILL haven't reached a conclusion? Clearly Dota is the right game for you.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_time_reserve_04.mp3 Look I don't mean to rush you, but I DO wish you'd go a hell of a lot faster than you're going.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_time_reserve_05.mp3 You need EXTRA time? You know what game you're playing, right? Dota?

Draft end
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_team_complete_07.mp3 Your ancient is under attack! [?]
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_team_complete_yr.mp3 Your team is complete.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_team_complete_rad.mp3 Radiant's team is complete.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_team_complete_dire.mp3 Dire's team is complete.


 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_choose_hero.mp3 Choose your hero.

35% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_team_complete_01.mp3 Alright, let's see what the damage is.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_team_complete_02.mp3 Well then, shall we pick some heroes?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_team_complete_03.mp3 Alright, let's begin the Dota!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_team_complete_04.mp3 It's time at last to select heroes.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_team_complete_05.mp3 How badly did they ruin your strategy?

5% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_team_complete_06.mp3 DO-TA! DO-TA! DO-TA!

Beginning battle
Entering battle
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare.mp3 Prepare for battle.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_01.mp3 Prepare yourselves, we're nearly ready!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_02.mp3 Oh goody, I'm so terribly excited!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_03.mp3 Just a minute or so now until the game starts, patience.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_04.mp3 Let's have a good clean match today.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_05.mp3 Is everyone ready?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_06.mp3 The stage is set, everyone prepared?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_07.mp3 Another thrilling match awaits us.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_08.mp3 Well let's get to it, shall we?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_09.mp3 Another beautiful day in Dota-land. followup

25% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_11.mp3 Good, we're nearly at the part where everything dies over and over.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_12.mp3 Just so you know I'll be taking a shot every time you die, please try to keep me out of the hospital.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_13.mp3 You have about a minute to enjoy not dying. Savor it.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_14.mp3 The game's about to begin! Just try not to think of failure and all the ways you could lose and everything in yourself you feel weak and insecure about and you should be fine.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_15.mp3 Okay! Time for me to learn the rules of Dota! I'll just be skimming this as you play.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_16.mp3 GL, HF, L2P, VD, MP3, OBGYN, 3DPDB1D9G
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_17.mp3 Quickly! Purchase items! Consume material goods to sustain capitalism!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_18.mp3 Now a quick reminder, the goal of this game is to win. You can…I mean do whatever you want with that information, just throwing it out there.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_19.mp3 What do you think will happen this time? Murdering one another, probably. Unless….yeah, no I'm gonna go with constant murder.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_20.mp3 Okay, time to forget the myriad external pressures and life stresses that have driven you to blot out the pain with video games, let's play some Dota!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_21.mp3 Perhaps THIS battle will resolve the eternal conflict between good and evil.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_22.mp3 DO-TA! DO-TA! DO-TA!

2% chance, for Radiant team
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_23.mp3 Okay see that big tree thing there? Well I guess that's significant, you want it to live or die or something. Look, I really don't know how this game works.

2% chance, for Dire team
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_24.mp3 Now if I'm reading this correctly, that big orange glowing thing is what you DON'T want to kill. Try doing that.

Time before battle

30 seconds
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_30_01.mp3 Thirty seconds to battle.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_30_02.mp3 30 seconds.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_30_03.mp3 Thirty seconds to video games, thirty seconds!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_30_04.mp3 30 seconds until DIGITAL SPORTS!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_30_05.mp3 One minute until thirty seconds after battle.

5% chance, players only
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_30_06.mp3 Just kind of a heads up here, everything you know and love will die one day.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_30_07.mp3 Where do you think we go when we die?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_30_08.mp3 Maybe THIS match will teach me how to love…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_30_09.mp3 I'll never truly forget the pain.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_30_10.mp3 Your ancient is being attacked! Sorry, *cough*, just warming up. I imagine I'll be using that line a lot.

10 seconds
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_10_01.mp3 Ten seconds to battle.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_10_02.mp3 10 seconds, everyone!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_10_03.mp3 Here it comes….

15% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_10_04.mp3 Last chance to quit the game and do something productive with your life.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_count_battle_10_05.mp3 All I'm saying is, diplomatic negotiations aren't off the table yet.

Battle begins
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin.mp3 The battle begins!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_01.mp3 Begin the murder-fest!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_02.mp3 Begin the DIGITAL SPORTS!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_03.mp3 And so it begins. followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_04.mp3 Now murder each other for my amusement!!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_05.mp3 Let this meditative reflection on the fleeting and fragile nature of life begin!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_06.mp3 DEATH! DEATH! DEATH! DEATH! DEATH!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_08.mp3 It's time for fantasy-world avatars to pretend to murder one another!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_10.mp3 God I really hope this match ends up being of any cosmic significance.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_11.mp3 aaaaaaand RESOLVE YOUR DIFFERENCES!

1% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_09.mp3 MID! EVERYONE GO MID! EVERYONE!!

Kills
First Blood
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_1stblood_01.mp3 First blood!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_1stblood_02.mp3 More of it! More death!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_1stblood_03.mp3 The killing begins!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_1stblood_04.mp3 We have first blood!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_1stblood_05.mp3 And the blood spills.

Double Kill
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_double_01.mp3 Double kill!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_double_02.mp3 A vicious double slaying.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_double_03.mp3 Two innocent lives taken!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_double_04.mp3 Two down.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_double_05.mp3 A double slaughter.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_double_06.mp3 Twice the murder!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_double_07.mp3 Make that two.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_double_08.mp3 Double kill.

Triple Kill
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_triple_01.mp3 Triple kill!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_triple_02.mp3 And there's a third.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_triple_03.mp3 Three innocent lives taken!

Ultra Kill
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_ultra_01.mp3 Ultra kill!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_ultra_02.mp3 And a fourth! GET THE LAST ONE!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_ultra_03.mp3 Four innocent lives taken!

Rampage
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_rampage_01.mp3 Rampage!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_rampage_03.mp3 Death to them all!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_rampage_04.mp3 Five innocents, driven mercilessly into the ground!

Killing Spree
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_spree_01.mp3 Killing spree.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_spree_02.mp3 More! More death!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_spree_03.mp3 Keep murdering!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_spree_04.mp3 Quite a spree.

Dominating
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_dominate_01.mp3 Dominating.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_dominate_02.mp3 A dominant performance.

Mega Kill
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_mega_01.mp3 Mega kill.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_mega_02.mp3 An acceptable amount of murder.

Unstoppable
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_unstop_01.mp3 Unstoppable.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_unstop_02.mp3 Whole lotta murder going on here.

10% chance, players only, enemy spree
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_unstop_03.mp3 No really, you've got to stop this person.

Wicked Sick
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wicked_01.mp3 Wicked sick.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wicked_02.mp3 A quantity of murder both sick and wicked.

Monster Kill
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_monster_01.mp3 Monster kill.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_monster_02.mp3 Monsters, all of you.

10% chance, players only, enemy spree
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_monster_03.mp3 You ARE still trying to stop the spree, yes?

Godlike
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_godlike_01.mp3 Godlike.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_godlike_02.mp3 Good god.

10% chance, players only, allied/own spree
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_godlike_03.mp3 You had better win after this.

Holy Shit
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_01.mp3 Holy shit!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_02.mp3 Yes that's a whole lot of people dying.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_03.mp3 Now this is disgusting.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_04.mp3 We're now in the generic max-kill-spree dialogue!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_05.mp3 It's a spree bigger than 9, that's all I know.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_06.mp3 aaaaand we're in the rubbing-it-in phase.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_07.mp3 Yes, still killing people. Still doing it.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_08.mp3 I hope these skills transfer to the real world.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_09.mp3 There's cheating going on here, I can smell it.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_10.mp3 Skilled at Dota, the most desirable trait within the human species.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_11.mp3 This is definitely not sociopathic behavior.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_12.mp3 It's just an ego thing at this point, isn't it?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_13.mp3 The slaughter continues!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_14.mp3 When will it stop???
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_15.mp3 Will someone please stop this person? They're ruining the game!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_16.mp3 Is the game still any fun?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_17.mp3 Who will stand up to this monster?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_18.mp3 What a lesson in accepting the inevitibility of death this person is teaching us.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_19.mp3 It goes on….and on……and on….
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_20.mp3 Someone's been practicing.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_21.mp3 How many kills is that now?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_22.mp3 I think we can safely call this a spree.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_23.mp3 Yep, still killing!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_24.mp3 Stiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill killing!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_25.mp3 Murdering avatars in a fake sport!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_26.mp3 Many of them! Many people have died!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_27.mp3 I wonder if it feels good to pwn so hard?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_28.mp3 A bunch! THAT'S how big the spree is!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_holy_29.mp3 Impressive.

15 kills streak


 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_15.mp3 Tremendous! 15 kills! ….bet you can't get 20.

20 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_20.mp3 Oho, 20 kills? Really though, I don't impress easily below 30.

30 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_30.mp3 30 kills already! Hey as long as we've come this far, why not take it to 50? See you in 20 more kills!

50 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_50.mp3 Surely you saw this coming: 100 kills! Get to 100! DO IT!!

60 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_69.mp3 Let's be honest, you've probably rigged the game to farm for dialogue from me. Are you proud of yourself for that?

70 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_70.mp3 No really, it's a thing to be ashamed of.

72 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_71.mp3 I'll let it continue, but I can't undo the shame you'll feel at having cheated.

85 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_85.mp3 It must be awful having to hear the same stock dialogue over and over.

90 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_90.mp3 Okay, I get it, the joke's over.

99 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_99.mp3 1 more to a hundred! If you mess this up now you'll really hate yourself!

100 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_100.mp3 100 kills!!! Congratulations, but remember that the real victory comes from within. Can't you feel it? Yes, you truly must be a happier person now.

102 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_101.mp3 No? Still no internal validation? Well, I did all I can do. Better luck next time!

200 kills streak
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_limit_85.mp3 It must be awful having to hear the same stock dialogue over and over.

Ownage

Your team
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_you_01.mp3 Ownage.

20% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_you_02.mp3 Apparently you're owning? That's just what I'm being told.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_you_03.mp3 It seems you are owning. What exactly you now own, I have no idea.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_you_04.mp3 You are owning or pwning or something.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_you_05.mp3 You are pwning. Is it…is it poaning? Pewning? Po- whatever.

Enemy team

5% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_you_01.mp3 Ownage.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_them_02.mp3 You are being owned.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_them_03.mp3 Oh dear, you are being owned.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_them_04.mp3 Hope you enjoy being owned.

For spectators
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_you_01.mp3 Ownage.

20% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_02.mp3 I am informed that ownage is under way.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_03.mp3 We have thus entered into a state of ownage.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_04.mp3 A condition for ownage has been met.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_05.mp3 Observe: one of the teams is owning at Dota.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_ownage_06.mp3 In concordance with the rules of Dota, ownage has been initiated.

Team Wipe

Your team

30% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_01.mp3 Team wipeout!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_you_02.mp3 Well, don't worry, there's always future games of dota.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_you_03.mp3 As per your strategy, your entire team is dead.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_you_04.mp3 Congratulations! Your entire team is dead!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_you_05.mp3 You did it! Your entire team is dead!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_you_06.mp3 I think we can all appreciate how impressive this other team is.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_you_07.mp3 Incredible! Look how efficiently you all died!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_you_08.mp3 Death to all of you as pennance for your sins!

Enemy team

75% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_01.mp3 Team wipeout!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_02.mp3 They're all down! Now is your chance!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_03.mp3 Nothing left to murder!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_04.mp3 The enemy is no more.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_05.mp3 Congratulations, you're making this game really unfun for the other team.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_06.mp3 You know, it's possible that everyone on the other team is just new at Dota. Think of what an awful experience you're making this for them.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_07.mp3 See NOW if you don't win I'm just going to be disappointed.

For spectators

75% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_wipeout_01.mp3 Team wipeout!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_kill_rampage_02.mp3 And that's the whole team! Goodnight everyone! DIGITAL SPORTS!

75% chance, Radiant team
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_teamwipe_spectat_02.mp3 The Radiant are entirely dead! All of them!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_teamwipe_spectat_03.mp3 Death befalls Radiant's entire team.

75% chance, Dire team
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_teamwipe_spectat_05.mp3 The Dire have sadly all been slain.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_killing_spree_announcer_teamwipe_spectat_06.mp3 All Dire heroes have fallen.

Respawning
5% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_01.mp3 Do it again! Exactly like you did the last time!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_02.mp3 Respawned again. Does it ever bother you that you'll never know the sweet release of lasting death? Bothers ME all the time.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_03.mp3 Oh look! It's alternate you who stopped playing Dota and went outside! Just look how fit and attractive you are!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_04.mp3 SEND IN THE NEXT CLONE.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_05.mp3 Okay this time just do everything exactly the opposite of what you did before.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_06.mp3 Can anyone TRULY die? In real life, I mean. I - wait, okay, yes, I've answered my own question.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_07.mp3 What is it all for? Dying, resurrecting, dying again, resurrecting again…….why??? followup
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_08.mp3 WELCOME BACK TO DOTAAAAA!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_09.mp3 Okay this time, let me offer a new piece of strategy: followup

Lane missing

 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_missing_top_01.mp3 You DO know there's no one on top lane, right?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_missing_top_02.mp3 Top is missing.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_missing_mid_01.mp3 Wait, where did everyone in the middle go?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_missing_mid_02.mp3 Middle is missing.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_missing_bot_01.mp3 Oh look at that, no heroes on bottom.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_missing_bot_02.mp3 Bottom is missing.


 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_missing_top_follow_01.mp3 I think.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_missing_mid_follow_01.mp3 If they gank, don't say I didn't warn you.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_missing_bot_follow_01.mp3 I don't know what that means, I'm just reading it off a script here.

Periods with no action
15% chance, mid game and onward
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_idle_01.mp3 Incredible, you've managed to make the most intricate video game on the planet boring. Where do you keep getting it?
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_idle_02.mp3 Can we PLEASE bring a little excitement back to the game? How about one of you kill your own courier, yes that would really spice things up!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_idle_03.mp3 Do you know how many hundreds of thousands of millions of hours Valve put into developing this game? Any clue? I ask because right now you're making it look like Snakes and Ladders.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_idle_04.mp3 I think what we need right now is a bit of music to bring back the mood.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_idle_05.mp3 Ladies and gentlemen, DIGITAL SPORTS!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_idle_06.mp3 Look at the radical twists and turns this game is taking, you can just FEEL the video games, can't you? I know I can.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_idle_07.mp3 When nothing of any interest had happened for a good long time, Stanley decided perhaps this match was going nowhere, and he went to spectate something else.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_idle_08.mp3 The next time someone claims video games are not art, I'm going to show them a replay of this match.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_idle_09.mp3 Why don't we spice this match up with a fact about shrimp: followup

Disconnecting/reconnecting
Disconnecting

25% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_disconnect.mp3 A player has disconnected.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_disconnect_01.mp3 One of us has become too intimidated by the sheer power of electronic sports to continue playing
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_disconnect_02.mp3 One of you has figured out that there are actually things in this world other than Dota.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_disconnect_03.mp3 Fine. Leave. See if I care.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_disconnect_04.mp3 Someone left? But they're going to miss the DIGITAL SPORTS.

Reconnecting

50% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_reconnect.mp3 A player has reconnected.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_reconnect_01.mp3 Oh, they're back!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_reconnect_02.mp3 Well look who's come crawling back.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_reconnect_03.mp3 Oh they're just toying with us now.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_reconnect_04.mp3 Now all of a sudden you want back in? For goodness sake, make up your mind.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_reconnect_05.mp3 Ha! I knew they couldn't stay away.

Quitting game

75% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_quit_01.mp3 I'd give up too if I were asked to make so many decisions.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_quit_02.mp3 Ah, you're giving up Dota! A wise decision! Go, and live a healthy normal life!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_quit_03.mp3 Congratulations on your decision to do things other than Dota, I think you'll find it a wise long-term investment.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_quit_04.mp3 They say that the real victory is NOT playing Dota, which makes you a winner!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_quit_05.mp3 If you come back, tell me what it's like on the outside.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_quit_06.mp3 Freedom…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_player_quit_07.mp3 Push escape and press quit, there's no other way to beat this game! [?]

Unpausing
75% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_unpause_01.mp3 Okay back to killing each other!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_unpause_02.mp3 Okay back to video games!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_unpause_03.mp3 Once again: video games!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_unpause_04.mp3 Once again: DIGITAL SPORTS!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_unpause_05.mp3 Okay we're unpaused! GO! GO! GO! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL! KILL!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_unpause_06.mp3 Where were we? Radiant was pushing, or was it…? Okay never mind, everyone just go bottom!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_unpause_07.mp3 When last we left our heroes…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_unpause_08.mp3 Back to the indecipherable gibberish!

Purchasing specific items
15% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_desolator.mp3 Ah the Desolator… The poor man's Divine Rapier…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_defiance.mp3 Ah the Hood of Defiance… The poor man's Divine Rapier…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_urn.mp3 Ah the Urn of Shadows… The poor man's Divine Rapier…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_divinerapier_02.mp3 Well done! Well done!

10% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_wards_01.mp3 Congratulations on your new sentry ward! Best of luck on a lifetime of never receiving any substantial recognition for your work!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_wards_02.mp3 Look at you, sucking it up and buying the sentry ward. Surely your team will recognize you for your sacrifices.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_wards_03.mp3 Buying a sentry ward makes you the least powerful hero in the game, but it makes you the most powerful in my heart.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_aquila.mp3 Ah the Ring of Aquila… The poor man's Divine Rapier…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_slipper.mp3 Ah the Slipper of Agility… The poor man's Divine Rapier…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_smoke.mp3 People actually buy smokes? Really???

5% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_courier_01.mp3 Maybe…maybe this time things will be different…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_courier_02.mp3 Go, donkey child. Let not the tides of evil into your heart.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_courier_03.mp3 This courier's soul…so immaculate, so pure…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_tango.mp3 Ah the Tango… The poor man's Divine Rapier…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_clarity.mp3 Interestingly, THIS clarity will actually deplete your mana.

3% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_01.mp3 Consume! Consume! Consume!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_02.mp3 Quickly! Overanalyze whether or not it was the correct purchase! Choke on your own bitter regret!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_03.mp3 People still buy this item? Why don't you pay attention to the meta-game??
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_04.mp3 No matter who wins this match, the capitalist pigs are the real winners.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_purchase_05.mp3 Isn't it nice knowing that material consumption brings lasting happiness?

Followups
Welcome

All Pick
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_all_pick.mp3 Today we'll be playing All Pick.

Least Played
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_other_mode.mp3 There's a reason no one plays this mode, and you're about to find out.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_generic_01.mp3 Choose wisely.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_least_played_01.mp3 Least Played.

Limited Heroes
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_limited_heroes_01.mp3 Limited Heroes.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_generic_01.mp3 Choose wisely.

Mid Only
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_type_mid_only.mp3 Today we'll be playing Mid Only.

Helping them strategize

20% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_follow_00.mp3 [muffled, distant speech, as though explaining an elaborate strategy]

Passage from the story
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_follow_01.mp3 Twas burning flesh and the twinkling of dashed hopes round her neck, a gift for the heavens, taken untimely from the feet of its mortal bearers. They were not to know her true blessings, blind to their own skin. If there was ever a moment when the truth was made known, it was not one recognized by eyes, but by a more intangible spirit whose true name conflicted with that of the vessel that carried it.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_follow_02.mp3 Bread, she screamed, bread everywhere!! Bread upon bread, within bread, a new civilization built upon a foundation of bread, lovers, masters, givers, workers, the failings and crimes and hubris of humanity. When will it be enough, the populace demanded! But still she decreed: More bread!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_follow_03.mp3 Little dogs and little frogs make tiny homes in little logs / Tens of tens of miles away, evil forces gather sway / Battleground of mortal toil, twixt this hell and earthly soil / Flaming teeth and flaming swords, when little dogs fought demon hordes.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_follow_04.mp3 Eat faster. Eat harder. Eat higher. Eat louder. Every day for day upon day upon day they ate faster harder higher louder. None would best them, none would out-eat them, no fantasies of grandeur clouded their resolve. They would be eating champions, gods amongst mortals, unbested in competition, a new sun rises upon their immaculate consumption empire. They took third.

Random number to think about
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_follow_05.mp3 Twelve.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_follow_06.mp3 Nineteen
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_follow_07.mp3 A hundred and eighty billion.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_follow_08.mp3 Five hundred and fifty five million, five hundred and fifty five thousand, five hundred and fifty one.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_pick_enm_follow_09.mp3 Negative eight.

Beautiful day in Dota-land

20% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_prepare_10.mp3 Let's destroy it.

Battle begins
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_07.mp3 The match has begun! Go forth, and prove that video games are art!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_12.mp3 Remember that we at Dota HQ recommend regular breaks to stretch and move around a bit every 10 minutes or so during play.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_13.mp3 Let's play, everyone. Let's all play.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_14.mp3 Okay, so let me impart a bit of wisdom: Don't die. Just do that, keep doing that, over and over and over until the match is finished.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_15.mp3 And so they rushed eagerly to battle. But all was not what it seemed….
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_16.mp3 And yet even as the match began, the end was so much closer than anyone knew…
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_17.mp3 Why are we here? What is any of this for? These are the questions no one was asking.

5% chance, players only
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_18.mp3 I respect you all regardless of the outcome. But I can't love you. Not after last time…

5% chance, spectators only
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_battle_begin_19.mp3 What none of the players know is that winning will not confer any true meaning or deeper sense of validation upon them as individuals. Let's observe.

Tower gets denied
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_ally_neg_01.mp3 Bastards.

50% chance, spectators only
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_ally_neg_01.mp3 Bastards.

What is it all for?

5% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_07_resp.mp3 Oh wait, yes, I'm sorry, you're trying to kill their ancient. Okay, got it, as you were!

Useful respawn advices
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_01.mp3 More couriers. Buy more couriers.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_02.mp3 Top lane, only go top lane.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_03.mp3 Jungle. Just jungle, nothing else, only jungle.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_04.mp3 Buy wards. Buy lots of them, fill your inventory.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_05.mp3 Kill your courier. Buy another one. Kill that one too.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_06.mp3 Sell all your equipment. Hardcore mode.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_07.mp3 Feed. Just, constant feeding.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_08.mp3 Win.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_09.mp3 Go outside.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_10.mp3 Stop everything, just take a minute here to reflect. Yes, a good bit of soul searching is what this team needs.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_11.mp3 Kill Roshan by yourself. DO IT! DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_12.mp3 Attack your own ancient. Enemies perceive that your team has fallen apart and they become complacent. Allies swoop in while they're vulnerable. VICTORY!!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_13.mp3 Stop using mana, you died the last time you tried using mana.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_respawn_advice_14.mp3 Go on a friend's account and purchase the Stanley Parable Dota pack a second time.

Shrimp facts
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_shrimp_01.mp3 Did you know the female shrimp can lay up to a hundred million eggs at once? Wow, that's….that number seems a bit high, actually.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_shrimp_02.mp3 Did you know that average shrimp lifespan is between 12 and 16 minutes? Wow, I sure know a lot more about shrimp than I did before this match!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_shrimp_03.mp3 Did you know that shrimp subclass Branchiopoda, order Anostraca are on average 3 inches smaller than the more common branchiopods Notostraca, Diplostraca and Mysidacea? …..okay!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_shrimp_04.mp3 Did you know that the first shrimp was discovered in 1967 by a group of Finnish sailors? I didn't either, facts can really be surprising!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_shrimp_05.mp3 Did you know that shrimp are healthy source of protein and selenium? I did, and I use this information on a regular basis!

Victory

You win

30% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_02.mp3 Wait, you WON?? I really should have written some victory conditions, let me see….ah! Here's one! *ahem* Good.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_04.mp3 Aha! I knew that you could win! Like, it was physically possible as an outcome of the match. TOTALLY didn't think it would happen though.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_06.mp3 You feel that? What you're feeling right now? True happiness! I know, I can't believe it comes from winning Dota either, but there you have it!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_07.mp3 Ah, you've won! As per our prior agreement, I absolve you of all your sins against humanity and decency. Come back if you need another!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_08.mp3 You've won Dota 2! Please join us for Dota 3: The Threequel: Sequel to Dota 2: The Return of Dota!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_05.mp3 You did it! But I think the real winner today is DIGITAL SPORTS!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_04.mp3 Either the Dire or the Radiant win! It was either a compelling match or a boring match, or somewhere in the middle! DIGITAL SPORTS!!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_05.mp3 And there you have it ladies and gentlemen, DIGITAL SPORTS!!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_07.mp3 And there you have it! Well I'd say we all learned absolutely nothing about ourselves as people today. But we learned even less about each other. And in the end, that's the only true meaning of Christmas.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_08.mp3 And that was Dota! Why don't we round things out today with a nice long beep. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_09.mp3 Well, it seems we've come to the end. But as they say in Dota, the end is never the end is never the end is - STATIC

30% chance, Radiant team
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_rad_06.mp3 Well you just spent a bunch of time watching tree people kill a glowing rock. I hope this experience enriches and enlightens the rest of your day.

30% chance, Dire team
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_06.mp3 Well you just watched a bunch of monsters knock down a tree. I hope this information is of any compelling significance to you AFTER you get up from the computer.

Spectators

50% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_04.mp3 Either the Dire or the Radiant win! It was either a compelling match or a boring match, or somewhere in the middle! DIGITAL SPORTS!!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_05.mp3 And there you have it ladies and gentlemen, DIGITAL SPORTS!!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_07.mp3 And there you have it! Well I'd say we all learned absolutely nothing about ourselves as people today. But we learned even less about each other. And in the end, that's the only true meaning of Christmas.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_08.mp3 And that was Dota! Why don't we round things out today with a nice long beep. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_09.mp3 Well, it seems we've come to the end. But as they say in Dota, the end is never the end is never the end is - STATIC

50% chance, Radiant wins
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_rad_06.mp3 Well you just spent a bunch of time watching tree people kill a glowing rock. I hope this experience enriches and enlightens the rest of your day.

50% chance, Dire wins
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_06.mp3 Well you just watched a bunch of monsters knock down a tree. I hope this information is of any compelling significance to you AFTER you get up from the computer.

You lose

25% chance
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_defeat_01.mp3 I don't blame you for losing, I blame all the choices you made and the things you did.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_defeat_03.mp3 Remember how I said you were a winner in my heart no matter what the outcome of battle? Exactly, I didn't.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_defeat_04.mp3 Now now, there are other things in life than Dota. Like a personality! Yes, you could go and develop a personality! That'll show 'em!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_defeat_07.mp3 Wow, what a truly compelling match! Let's listen back on a few of the more memorable moments. Your ancient is under attack. Your ancient is under attack. Your ancient is under attack. Your ancient is under attack.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_04.mp3 Either the Dire or the Radiant win! It was either a compelling match or a boring match, or somewhere in the middle! DIGITAL SPORTS!!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_05.mp3 And there you have it ladies and gentlemen, DIGITAL SPORTS!!
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_07.mp3 And there you have it! Well I'd say we all learned absolutely nothing about ourselves as people today. But we learned even less about each other. And in the end, that's the only true meaning of Christmas.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_08.mp3 And that was Dota! Why don't we round things out today with a nice long beep. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_09.mp3 Well, it seems we've come to the end. But as they say in Dota, the end is never the end is never the end is - STATIC

25% chance, Radiant team
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_dire_06.mp3 Well you just watched a bunch of monsters knock down a tree. I hope this information is of any compelling significance to you AFTER you get up from the computer.

25% chance, Dire team
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_defeat_10.mp3 Well, congratulations on not being able to knock down their tree. Literally, their ancient is a tree and yours is the protrusion of unholy evil and you STILL - okay forget it, whatever. Dota.
 * dlc_stanleyparable_announcer_victory_rad_06.mp3 Well you just spent a bunch of time watching tree people kill a glowing rock. I hope this experience enriches and enlightens the rest of your day.